The Secret to Avoiding Stress on Your Wedding Day: Knowing When to Communicate

Posted on January 13, 2017

The easiest way to avoid wedding stress? Consistent, open communication.

If you tell me that you don’t want to worry about anything wedding-related between now and your big day, I’ll make it happen.” That’s what I told Chelsea during our initial consultation. I love that I can confidently make that promise, since we have coordination of the ceremony, the reception, and the catering locked down on our end. That was perfect for Chelsea—she was busy running a small business and didn’t have a lot of time to commit to planning the wedding.

Still, she was having a hard time accepting the idea that everything would go as planned even if she wasn’t around to worry about it. For the first few months, she emailed me multiple times a week, and almost daily in the weeks before the wedding day. I kept responding, she kept checking in, and she was able to see, repeatedly, that things were coming together without a hitch.

The reason we work so hard to plan and coordinate every little detail ahead of time is so that the day can be perfect, of course—but for the wedding day to really be perfect, you need to be able to relax and let go of all the to-do’s and what-could-be’s. Two big things get in the way of that relaxation: not being on top of planning and coordination well in advance, and not tuning out of communication channels the day of. If everything is in place before the day of the wedding, then you can let go of control; and if you can let go of control, then you can be present to experience and enjoy the day that was designed to be all about you and your sweetheart.

In the Time Leading up to the Wedding

If you’re going to be on one end of the involvement spectrum or the other, it’s better to over-communicate than to under-communicate with all points of contact who hold responsibility for the wedding day: caterer, vendors, photographer, DJ. If you’ve decided to go with an all-inclusive venue, that contact list is pretty slim; and if your venue is anything like ours, you’ll have ready access to full-time coordinators on a daily basis who are already solidifying the plans for setup, decoration, scheduling, and catering. There are two main reasons why it’s better to communicate early and often:

There are certain things you’ll need to weigh in on—and the sooner, the better.

It’s up to you how involved you want to be in planning and coordination, but your coordinator will need your input for the following elements:

• Seating arrangements

• Menus

• Ceremony layout

• Scheduling preferences or requests

Between two and three months before the wedding, you should deliver these details to the coordinator. Usually, this doesn’t mean they’re set in stone (at Kennolyn, you can make changes to these plans as late as two weeks before the wedding date), but it makes a big difference to incorporate these details in the planning early on.

If you’re going to stress out, it’s better that you do so in advance.

While all brides are different, almost all of them stress out in one way or another. If it’s going to happen, it’s better that it happens before the wedding day! In fact, letting the stress come forward in the months leading up to the wedding allows you to channel that energy in productive ways. Saving your stress for the day of, when it’s too late to do anything about your concerns anyway, means your stress is just stress for its own sake. Even if you’re not going to fall on the super-involved end of the spectrum, don’t put off communication with your coordinator. We’re committed to keeping in touch and responding to your requests as quickly as possible, so checking in with us is an incredible opportunity for your wedding to come together exactly as you envision it.

On the Day of the WeddingTo relieve some stress on the day of your wedding, make a concentrated effort to set your phone aside.

First thing’s first: Inhale. Exhale. You have absolutely no reason to worry. After all, that was the point of all the work we’ve done to get here. You can enjoy the morning of your wedding day with plenty of space to get ready and relax, arriving at the venue just a couple of hours before the ceremony with everything already in place.

I can tell you that last-minute changes do happen (guests cancel or add on and throw off the seating charts), but we’ve always been able to handle those changes. Of course, personal drama will arise (people will get on the road and forget to bring the address, or they’ll want to know if they can bring a friend who’s visiting from out of town). But it’s not your responsibility to solve that drama, and that’s why it’s critical that you make the conscious and active decision to shut off your phone. That way, you can focus on what really matters: being present for your own experience of the day.

If you feel as if you absolutely can’t turn your phone off, then ask someone else to hold onto it for you, perhaps your maid of honor or a bridesmaid. Let them field any incoming issues and inquiries and direct people to the answers or deliver news of changes to the coordinator. You have every reason to believe that we are managing the event and all of its variables expertly.

Know When To Communicate and When Not To

Whether you’re the anxious, hands-on type or the laid-back, hands-off type, this two-part communication strategy applies. Whatever “good communication” with your coordinator looks like to you, be there for it throughout the planning stages; don’t put it off. On the day of the wedding, choose to bow out of all the communication opportunities that are inevitable and not your responsibility. Nerves and butterflies are common on the big day—after all, getting married is a big step—but stress is an unnecessary extra.

We’re committed to bringing your wedding vision to life in a way that allows you to be truly present on your big day. If you’re interested in a stress-free wedding, let’s talk about how we can make it come together.

 

Image Source: Unsplash user Rachael Crowe

 

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